My initial reaction to Professor Terence Kealey’s expostulations in the Times Higher Education Magazine was ‘ugh’.

Articulation gained, it became ‘oh no, no, no, noooo…’.

I’m still shivering with the creeps generated by this bunch of quips:

Most male lecturers know that, most years, there will be a girl in class who flashes her admiration and who asks for advice on her essays. What to do? Enjoy her! She’s a perk.

She doesn’t yet know that you are only Casaubon to her Dorothea, Howard Kirk to her Felicity Phee, and she will flaunt you her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife.

Thanks to the accountability imposed by the Quality Assurance Agency [the university watchdog] and other intrusive bodies, the days are gone when a scholar could trade sex for upgrades. [Source]

Tongue-in-cheek or not, it is the reality – while he notes that the QAA ensures the behaviour is deterred, the fact is that it has only been driven underground.

Still, associating the words with the balding pate and lopsided grin of the lewd professor is enough to make me want to wrap a protective arm around future students.