Caledoniyya

While I am partially tickled by the following blogging manifesto, and irked that I did not conceive to incorporate into my ‘About’ when I started Caledoniyya, another part is slightly hostile to the notion of a code of conduct, going as it does against the whole premise of blogging.

Owning the freedom to express, whether it is through multitudinous exclamations marks, or, in my case, abrogating rules 1, 6, and most of the alphabet under 7, is one of the greatest joys afforded by the blogosphere.

According to Reactional Tinkler, the following are the veritable scourge of blogging, and while there are but seven, I cannot help but wonder if there are more, and therefore turn it over to you, the readers and blogging connoisseurs (rule 7H) to decide:

1. Becoming Over Emotional:

There’s nothing more counterproductive to your cause, or costly to your metaphysical well-being, than becoming emotionally unraveled in the middle of an argument. If you’re experiencing heart palpitations, developing blurred vision, or smashing at your keyboard, you’re not winning. Keep your rage in check at all times and don’t take things personally. Don’t SCREAM or use multiple punctuation!!!! Correct your speling before posting, too.

2. Oozing Condescension

Even if you believe you’re preaching to a misguided knuckle-dragging, inbred, beer-swilling ignoramus, conceal it. If you patronize or belittle your opponents, they’ll only dig in their heels and call you a jerk. Which you are. Others will confirm that you’re a sanctimonious, pompous @&*%&#.

3. Spewing Hateful Invective

If you really want to be persuasive, you have to avoid savage personal insults, smears, epithets, ad hominems, and ridiculously inflammatory rhetoric (e.g., calling Republicans crazed, Bible-thumping, totalitarian, bigoted, homophobic neo-fascists). Media bloviators have built entire careers on hysterical diatribes, but that only works when you’re getting paid big money to preach to the choir. Back here on planet Earth, you’ll never succeed in making a convincing argument if you come off as a raging misanthrope throwing poop out of your cage.

4. Inventing Facts on the Fly

If you don’t have the facts on hand to back up your argument, you probably don’t have an argument. Don’t make facts up. The honest facts will eventually catch up with you, and you’ll be exposed as the fraud that you really are.

5. Lumping Unrelated Issues Together

Nothing screams sophistication like a protest to save the whales, get out of Iraq, shut down the IMF, stop the sale of genetically modified yams, allow gay marriage and recycle your toilet paper. Pick one issue at a time. And for the love of logic, please stay on topic.

6. Becoming Conspiratorial

It’s tempting to believe there are sinister political/corporate/military forces engaged in world-shattering diabolical schemes (e.g., Obama is an illegal immigrant from the planet Kolob, secret Sikhs are taking over Christmas, Iran is developing an impotence ray, etc.) Don’t bother going there. There are plenty of good arguments to make without bringing in the vast conspiracy of little green men on the grassy knoll. And besides, as anyone who has worked there will tell you, the government isn’t competent enough to pull off a functional conspiracy.

7. Writing Badl…Poorly.

Nobody wants to read incomprehensible drivel written by raging bloggers. Watch for common mistakes such as: [Continues]

There is, however, a philosophy that trumps all of the above, and one that eased my early posting anxieties when I first read it on Maioush: ‘blog like no one is reading’.

Simple, but beautiful, and the rest will just follow.

[Image via: ~C4Chaos]