Somehow, I can’t shake off the guilty pleasure that niggles when cynical jibes are taken at Hillary Clinton.
Ten years ago, the prospect of a female candidate coming within spitting distance of the presidential seat seemed an implausible dream.
The reality, however, is less overwhelming, and I find myself gravitating more and more towards Barack Obama.
Nevertheless, surely the most enjoyable element in the political mêlée is the fast-paced, acerbic contributions of the satirists:
David Letterman
“But seriously how about that John McCain? John McCain looks like a guy whose head you can barely see over the steering wheel. … John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings. … John McCain looks like the guy who has to be told to close his robe. … John McCain looks like the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. ‘Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn’t make sense.’”
“Hillary criticized Obama so strongly that at one point he yelled at her. He just said, ‘Hey, easy, lady, we’re not married.”
“Bill Clinton’s been getting in the way of Hillary’s campaign. Can you believe that? She’s really upset about it, so she’s encouraged him to start dating again.”
Conan O’Brien
“Last night was the final Democratic debate. … I guess one of the big stories was that Barack Obama had a little bit of trouble last night. He is so smooth and he’s so good, but last night he had a little trouble. Last night, during the debate, Barack Obama mispronounced the word ‘Massachusetts’ twice and then mispronounced the word ‘filibuster.’ Yeah, which explains why this morning, Obama was endorsed by President Bush.”
“Today, very strange development for John McCain. Have you heard about this? … The New York Times just reported that John McCain may be constitutionally barred from becoming president because he was born outside the United States in the Panama Canal Zone. When he heard this, McCain said, ‘That’s ridiculous. When I was born, there was no Panama Canal.”
“This is a weird story. In Japan – you’ve got to follow me on this – a town named Obama is trying to attract Barack Obama supporters to visit as tourists. That’s right. Meanwhile, tourism officials are trying to attract Hillary Clinton supporters in the German town of Nutbuster.”
Jay Leno
“And my favorite candidate, Ralph Nader, announced he’s running for president! Oh, I love Ralph. You know, you can’t get rid of him. Every election year he pops up. He’s like the herpes of presidential candidates.”
“Anyway, the New York Times did it again today. Did you see the paper today? They released a story suggesting Hillary was sleeping with Bill. Now, come on. There’s only so much you can believe.”
“Well, this is depressing. Oil is now over $100 a barrel. Experts say gas could reach $4 a gallon, yeah. I believe the experts are named Bush and Cheney.”
If I was American, I wouldn’t vote for Hillary because she’s a woman, or for Barak because he’s black, but I would vote for either of them because I saw the republican candidates debating and they were all arguing about how many MORE troops they should send to Iraq, and the only one of them who wanted to send the troops home was the bigot (Ron Paul)!
In reality, Hani, I have to agree. Ultimately, all politicians are duplicitous rascals, it just so happens that the Democrats refrain from polishing their rifles each evening while dreaming of more blood shed…I hope.